


Show and Tell

by WaterandWin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-22 02:14:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterandWin/pseuds/WaterandWin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I fucking hate that stupid expressionless face of yours, Strider,” he grumbled.</p><p>“I know,” Dave replied.</p><p>And then they sucked face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Show and Tell

**Author's Note:**

> For Homesmut:
> 
>  _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9s00jHyzXk &feature=player_embedded_
> 
>  _C-Can trolls have weird translucent retractable bits like those slugs?_
> 
>  _I don't even care what pairing. but dave/karkat would make me love you foreverrrr_

When it came to troll relationships, there was a lot to get used to. For one thing, it turned out to be a surprisingly big jump from ironically blurring the lines of bromance with John via chat client to actually making out with another guy. A much bigger jump, in fact, considering he was swapping spit with an ill-tempered alien on a regular basis and not someone, you know, his own species. Then there was the whole hate thing, but Dave definitely wasn't about to do any of the love-dovey couple shit with Karkat anyway, so it was for the better.

No, the whole thing to the crazy train to batshitsville when Karkat took to following him around for no reason. At first Dave just sort of ignored him, but it got a little disconcerting somewhere between five feet behind him and breathing right over his shoulder. The first few times Dave managed to ditch him, but the troll was nothing if not persistent because after his latest stalking failure he made decent attempt at banging a hole through Dave's door. When Dave finally opened up after a good thirty seconds to pounding and yelling, Karkat started running his mouth immediately. Dave didn't exactly catch all of it, nor was he trying, but the gist of it sounded like the sort of thing that would follow the phrase "we need to talk," but with more "what the fuck, asshole,"s and "I'm doing everything right what the fuck is your problem,"s sprinkled on top. He let him rant on for a bit regardless before cutting him off.

"Calm your tits. I'm not following."

Karkat positively glared at him for a pregnant second while his brain probably sputtered to crank out an insult that was more obscene and ridiculous than it was actually insulting, except that never happened. Instead he grabbed Dave by the shoulders and smacked their faces together.

Apparently when it came to hatelove, subtlety was for pussies.

Dave Strider was okay with that. When Karkat broke the skin on his lower lip with his fangs, he was practically yanking him inside by the front of his shirt.

They ended up where they always ended up. When Jade introduced the concept of beanbag chairs, the trolls were all over that shit like little girls and middle aged women and the beanbags were immortal douches that sparkled in the sun. The only thing better for them were tubs full of ooze but like hell Dave was going to install one of those in his room. So down on the stinking sack of god-knows-what-they-fill-those-with they went, Karkat hissing because he wasn’t smart enough to push Dave down first, and Dave, having to put up with his hair nearly pulled out for it, tumbling down after.

It was pretty much the usual make-out session until Karkat shoved his hand down the front of Dave’s pants.

Dave pulled back and stared down at Karkat. Karkat stared back with an expression of shock and disgust and his hand on Dave’s dick. There was a moment of silence. Dave assumed it was for his virginity.

“What the bloodying flying fuck is that?”

Welp, guess not.

“That’s my-- oh god don’t squeeze it that hard.” He had to actually reach down and pull on the troll’s sleeve to detach him and make it perfectly clear he was in no way being ironic about this. “It’s a human earth boner, dude, and if you sink your demented claws into it I will fucking murder you.”

Surprisingly, the message got across, but that didn’t stop the troll from continuing to grope him in ways that should have been pleasant if they weren’t simultaneously completely fucking terrifying. He had this thoughtful expression on his face the whole time until he finally announced, “Let me see it.”

“Shit, let’s do show and tell,” Dave replied.

With that he pushed himself out of the dimple the two of them had created in the beanbag and crawled over to one of the high parts to sit and undo his pants. It was a little disconcerting the way Karkat never took his weird yellow eyes off his crotch like he was a first grader about to witness a baking soda volcano for the first time but the teacher just kept waving the bag around yapping instead of actually doing what everyone came to see. The difference here being that Dave actually managed to free his dick because let’s face it, it was getting kind of cramped in there.

“So it doesn’t bend at all?” Karkat asked as he reached for it. Dave grabbed his wrist before the troll could experiment to find out.

“No,” he answered through his teeth, seriously considering for the first time if it was possible to break his cock and shuttering inwardly because he was in a situation where that could actually be a thing. “Why the fuck would it ever do that?”

“Because that’s what it’s fucking supposed to do,” the troll growled.

“Haha. This is me laughing right now,” Dave deadpanned. “Completely fucking hilarious. You win the Comedy Central Award for the next five years. Congratulations, Miss Congeniality, you can make your acceptance speech now.”

Karkat looked like he wanted to punch him. “Save your hoofbeastshit. I’m about to show you what it’s supposed to look like and you’ll be so fucking stunned by the glory before you that your flimsy human earth boner will shrivel up and retract back into your bone bulge in sheer horror of its own inadequacy.” As he rambled he got to his feet and angrily undid his pants before dropping them down to his ankles entirely.

His crotch was completely hairless and was pretty much indistinguishable from the rest of his stomach. There was what one might call a bone bulge, but it was just that: a bony bulge. And then, just as Dave was starting to wonder how trolls did it, it slithered out from underneath.

At first he thought it was some kind of pink slug. It peaked its head out and snaked along one of Karkat’s thighs, leaving behind a faint trail of pink mucus. And then it reared up and Dave was pretty sure it was looking at him until he realized it was vaguely penis-shaped. Except that it was writhing.

“Are you just going to fucking gape at it all day?” the troll demanded. By the sound of it he was getting a little uncomfortable by the look Dave was giving his junk, which at this point was akin to the look one might give to something he found growing at the bottom of his trash can.

“Didn’t realize this was a petting zoo,” Dave quipped.

He had to force himself to reach out and touch it. It was like when your friend concocts some awful shit together, like a fluff and pickle sandwich, and you know it’s going to be disgusting as shit but you try it anyway because there’s no way to pass it up. This was one of those moments, except that pickles and fluff made a terrible combination and Dave’s fingers felt like they were being humped by a slug.

“I think I’m going to puke,” he informed Karkat as he wiggled his hand around. When the troll didn’t respond with endless snark, Dave looked up at his face. The other’s grey face was tinted slightly pink. His eyes were closed, his brows ever so slightly furrowed, and a few fangs were just barely seen hanging onto his lower lip for dear life. It was kind of the hottest thing Dave Strider had ever seen in his entirely life.

He let the tentacle dick wind around his index and fingers as he wound an arm around Karkat’s waist to pull him back down. The troll straddled his lap with surprisingly little protest, that is until he opened his eyes and resumed his usual mask of angry, now with more flustered. Call to order today!

“I fucking hate that stupid expressionless face of yours, Strider,” he grumbled.

“I know,” Dave replied.

And then they sucked face.

All the while Karkat kept scooting closer. At this rate it was becoming impractical for Dave to continue using his hand because the angle was making it kind of difficult but the motivation became pretty clear when he felt troll cock slime on his own dick. Although he would never admit it, at that point he actually faltered. Karkat probably sensed his loss of rhyme because he consoled him by biting down extra hard on his tongue. Dave returned the favor and bit back, all the while trying not to panic about the fact that he was being fondled by an alien crotch tentacle. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant but fuck was it weird.

It got to the point where he was trying to see what was going on out of the corner of his eye while making out, which seemed to bother Karkat enough to move on to kissing his jaw and trying to get his shirt off him. They’d already been past the point where Karkat freaked out over Dave’s nipples and Dave had to explain that human boys had them, too. The difference between then and now was that then Dave was completely in charge of the situation, and now, when he was getting a tentaclelejob and there were claws raking over his chest and a tongue finding his pulse under his throat, now he was actually finding it hard to keep his cool.

To compensate, he reached down to stroke the mess of tangled alien dick in his lap. It actually heated up under his touch and by the feel of it the sides of it flared out so that it wasn’t so much a tentacle anymore as slimy seaweed. When he went exploring for the base of it the thing started writhing more desperately. Karkat was practically mimicking it, though he managed to silence a mewl by biting down on Dave’s shoulder and then mumbling obscenities into his skin. Dave dragged his dull human nails along the sweat-sticky back of the troll hard enough to leave white marks behind and did his best to suppress any noise, too, like he was nailing the boss’s daughter right next door to daddy’s office. He couldn’t do much for his ragged breathing though, especially as he got closer to the brink to the point that he really couldn’t stop himself anymore from grinding up into the other boy.

The troll rolled his hips and moaned in response, deep and long and slow, and then Dave positively couldn’t hold it anymore. He came with a shudder and a yank of Karkat’s hair, who opened his mouth immediately afterward to express just how much he was displeased about getting human earth cum all over his stomach, but Dave quickly turned words into complete nonsense babble by finding that spot near the base of the crotch tentacle again. He watched Karkat’s expression contort from behind his dark lenses as he transferred the pants slug back into his hand and tried to catch his breath.

When Karkat got close he literally tried to fight Dave off with a slur of curses and scratches but Striders don’t lose fights. Ever. Unfortunately, there was probably a reason for the squabble, because immediately after Dave got way more acquainted with the reason trolls needed buckets than he ever, ever wanted to. The orgasm lasted nearly ten seconds, and for nine of those seconds Dave was seriously considering calling for help because troll spooge looks suspiciously like blood. By the end of it, anyone who would have walked into the room would have seen Karkat collapsed on Dave’s shoulder, weakly hissing curses into his ear, and red liquid splattered everywhere, and could easily have jumped to the conclusion that Dave had up and murdered him, which at the rate they had been going the past new months would have been a surprise to no one.

“Huh,” was all Dave could manage.

“Shut your face, assfuck,” Karkat growled.

“I take it it was good for you?” Dave sneered, reclining back and wiping a cum-soaked hand on an already cum-saturated beanbag.

Karkat flopped down on top of him and rolled off. “Fuck you.”

“Again already?”

Silence. Dave looked over out of the corner of his eye. Lo and behold the great and terrifying troll sleeping like a baby. That was awfully quick, but then again if he had jizzed that much Dave would roll over and go straight to sleep, too. As it happened, he instead proceeded to clean himself up and leave, leaving Karkat with a quilt, a glass of water, and a very high expectations for next time.


End file.
